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I just lost 13 billion dollars

Yes, you read that right. I lost 13 billion dollars. Want to know why?

I don't care about your answer, I'm going to tell you anyway. Here's how Verizon and AT&T stole 13 billion dollars from me.

You see, I used to offer services to users of the Lover's Telephone. I still do. Anyone who employs my services for the Lover's Telephone has to pay me $5 for every minute of calling. Eh, what's that? You think that is too much? Really? Do you have any idea about the amount of effort it takes to set up lines to you house? Not only do I have to get a wire to your house, I also need to set up a switchboard operator, who has to be extremely skilled at doing and undoing knots.

The operator takes around $1 a minute. That along with the cost of delivering a wire means that I make a measly profit of only around $3 a minute of call. But then, there are an estimated 5 million lovers in the world. They talk for, on an average, 90 minutes a day. Okay, of the 5 million, around 100000 would use my services. This means that I would have made a profit of around 100000*3*90*365 = 9.8 billion dollars.

Now, I have to hire professional eavesdroppers to listen to all your conversations. So, if I hear anyone cheating, I can always notify the victims, and they can sue based on evidence that I offer. The eavesdroppers cost around 625 million dollars a year. Around 40% of the couples cheat, which means that around 40000 people cheat. Based on evidence we offer, almost 100% of those affected by cheating sue, which translates to around 40000 lawsuits a year. The cost of our evidence is $100000, which is just 10% of the compensation demanded in most lawsuits. So, we get another 4 billion dollars in revenue from lawsuits.

Now, Verizon and AT&T end up providing much better services for dirt cheap rates. This has lead to a fall in my revenues, which has lost me my entire market. So, I've estimated that Verizon and AT&T have actually stolen 13 billion dollars a year from me.

Of course, by not using my services, you are causing me to lose money, so I shall sue all of you who do not use my services.

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