Skip to main content

I just lost 13 billion dollars

Yes, you read that right. I lost 13 billion dollars. Want to know why?

I don't care about your answer, I'm going to tell you anyway. Here's how Verizon and AT&T stole 13 billion dollars from me.

You see, I used to offer services to users of the Lover's Telephone. I still do. Anyone who employs my services for the Lover's Telephone has to pay me $5 for every minute of calling. Eh, what's that? You think that is too much? Really? Do you have any idea about the amount of effort it takes to set up lines to you house? Not only do I have to get a wire to your house, I also need to set up a switchboard operator, who has to be extremely skilled at doing and undoing knots.

The operator takes around $1 a minute. That along with the cost of delivering a wire means that I make a measly profit of only around $3 a minute of call. But then, there are an estimated 5 million lovers in the world. They talk for, on an average, 90 minutes a day. Okay, of the 5 million, around 100000 would use my services. This means that I would have made a profit of around 100000*3*90*365 = 9.8 billion dollars.

Now, I have to hire professional eavesdroppers to listen to all your conversations. So, if I hear anyone cheating, I can always notify the victims, and they can sue based on evidence that I offer. The eavesdroppers cost around 625 million dollars a year. Around 40% of the couples cheat, which means that around 40000 people cheat. Based on evidence we offer, almost 100% of those affected by cheating sue, which translates to around 40000 lawsuits a year. The cost of our evidence is $100000, which is just 10% of the compensation demanded in most lawsuits. So, we get another 4 billion dollars in revenue from lawsuits.

Now, Verizon and AT&T end up providing much better services for dirt cheap rates. This has lead to a fall in my revenues, which has lost me my entire market. So, I've estimated that Verizon and AT&T have actually stolen 13 billion dollars a year from me.

Of course, by not using my services, you are causing me to lose money, so I shall sue all of you who do not use my services.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On Harry Potter and why I dislike the series

There could not be a better time for this post. There could not have been a worse time for this post. Now that the penultimate movie of the series is out, and my facebook wall filled with people who loved the movie. But this is something I really wanted to say, and I shall say it anyway. Harry Potter is pathetic literature. Now, you must be wondering why I say that. There are many reasons. Firstly, the storyline itself is flawed. When a writer sits down to write anything, he/she must set up some essential rules about what is happening. These rules must remain constant irrespective of how many times he/she changes his/her mind. This is so that the readers are allowed to have some sensibility in what they are reading. In the fourth book, Rowling goes ahead and kills Cedric. Then, at the end of the book, the horseless carriages are there again. Nothing special. We all knew that they are horseless. But then comes the fifth book, and BAM, the horses are actually winged beasts that only thos...
18 comments
Read more

On the Dvorak Simplified Keyboard

This is a post that I have been meaning to write from quite some time. Long hours spent typing code on my computer left my hands fatigued, and left me with a lot of pain in my wrists and fingers. That is when I decided to use the Dvorak. But I have got the same bad habit as Dr. Watson, to tell a story backwards. Of course, you must be wondering what the Dvorak is. The story of keyboards starts with the invention of the typewriter. Christopher Sholes, the inventor of the typewriter, tried with a two row piano style keyboard. But then, he got into many difficulties with the design. Then he finally settled for a four row design. This was similar to the QWERTY layout that most computers and typewriters today possess. The engineers at Remington, to whom Sholes had presented his design modified the layout a little further, and then the QWERTY was born. As typewriters became popular, people got used to the layout, and started practising touch typing, i.e. typing without looking at the keys...
Post a Comment
Read more

Elements of a Story: The Whispers

I'm compelled to begin each post with a meta. That way, my blog posts seem less like essays or dissertations, and more like diary entries, or web logs. So here goes... I started this blog a little over a year ago. The main purpose of this blog was to experiment with styles of writing, and find an effective outlet for all the subjects I wish to rant about; saving my classmates the agony of having to listen to them. As I wrote this blog, I've experimented with so many styles, and have received comments claiming that my work is a shameless copy greatly inspired by so-and-so author/work. Fact is that I simply chanced upon that style. I read, so obviously, my work shall reflect the styles of those I admire, but I've worked out so many styles without even knowing that they exist, only to be informed of them later. Recently, I've been struck with the seeming absence of whispers as an element of a story. The more I've thought of the subject, the more I've been convince...
10 comments
Read more