Seriously, let's do it. After all, upholding the Indian culture and values involves going to bars, shutting them down, and attacking patrons with hockey sticks. If there are girls, of course they are there for the sole purpose of soliciting.
The great Indian culture does not allow us to go to bars and nightclubs. Drink whiskey, vodka, gin? No way! That's not allowed in the Indian culture. We drink सोमरस, not these poisons. As anyone would tell you, सोम is a synonym for अमृत, the potion which grants immortality, not immorality.
And what's with these lovebirds coochy-cooing on Valentine's day, or in "dark, isolated places"? Public display of affection is strictly prohibited in the Indian culture. राधेकृष्ण! Are they in their teens? Children should study, not spend time with girlfriends. We have the highly successful system of arranged marriages in India, you just marry someone. No place for girlfriends or lovers. Sorry!
While we are at it, what's with the boys watching Pr0n? Tch tch... no sense of morals only these kids have. Go and visit the beautiful temples of Khajurao, spend some time in the presence of the lord. Why in the name of Vatsayana do they think they are doing? Really, the values of the Indian system have gone to the dogs.
Oye! Is that guy smoking pot? Drugs are banned in the country. Put that guy behind bars. Waise, enjoy holi, and have some भांग; it will allow you to enjoy more. And while you're at it, give that साधू some money. He needs it to smoke चरस.
By the way, have you read the classic वैशाली की नगरवधू? Eh, what kind of parent you are... do you know your daughter goes to bar?
The purpose of this post is to showcase the hypocrisy of those who pretend to uphold the "Indian values". While I'm proud of my culture and heritage, I really cannot stand someone in uniform who goes in bars and beats up people with hockey sticks. That's for political goons to do, and be voted out.